I just love cheese. It is probably one of my favorite foods. Its salty and when added to a sauce it makes it so creamy and delicious. Yup I sure do love cheese! It also makes for great pictures (say cheese!) And when added to a conversation it can make for a few laughs. Okay so at this point you may be thinking "what in the world is going on here Anna? Why are you talking about cheese?" Well I blame this cheesy post on my friend Taylor.
I am currently sitting in the coffee shop on campus with friends as we jump into our last week before spring break and our 5th week from the end of the year. Yup you read that right my first year back is ending in 5 WEEKS! In all honesty though, for the first time in my life I am actually not looking forward to summer. Don't get me wrong it's not that I don't want to see my family or that I like taking classes but I have finally made friends and am living basically the life I have been dreaming of for a very long time.
Sometimes I look at my life now and I almost can't believe it. 3 years ago, the last time I was at this school, I was super sick. I didn't know it at the time but I was about 6 months away from what should have been the end. Only it wasn't! At the time, my biggest wish was to be healthy, to have a "normal" life like everybody else, a dream that seemed impossible, yet here I am. I am basically healthy and aside from the pills, insulin and occasional doctor visits I have a pretty normal life. I also have made a bunch of awesome friends and I'm not scared to talk to them. I have come miles from the girl sitting in the therapists office, sucking on oxygen while we attempted to fix my social anxiety. I have finally for the most part gotten the life I was meant to live. Yet even in this seemingly great life satan is still trying to steal my happiness.
Although, for the most part, it seems my dreams have come true there is one dream that is still off in the distance. Unfortunately, satan is using the unfulfilled dream to hijack my brain. I am consumed with desire, which constantly clouds my mind and distracts me from enjoying the life I have been given. At times I break the surface and realize I have waited for so many things in my life waiting for this is nothing. Yet at the same time I am having so much difficulty waiting on this. I remember back in the day when I was waiting for my transplant, there were times when I felt consumed by the wait. However, the times that I felt the best and that waiting went the fastest was when I refocused on living the life I was given at the time.
As I write this post I am struck with a realization. Happiness isn't about getting the life you have always wanted. It it about accepting the life you have and making peace with it. If you are constantly going around thinking something else will make you happy, you will never be happy. No relationship can make you one hundred percent happy, no matter how great the person is. No amount of health can take the pain of longing for a different life away. There will always be something that you don't have, a new adventure you can not begin yet or a longing that can not yet be fulfilled. I wish I knew the trick to complete happiness, but I am not there yet. Maybe one day, maybe not, this could be a life long challenge but I will keep trying for it.
Wisest words I've read in a long time: "If you are constantly going around thinking something else will make you happy, you will never be happy." It's an unusually good point for a negative statement because it points to the mirror-image thought, that the happiness you seek must be where you are. It's wonderful to read of your working with happiness in your life.ReplyDelete